"We must not allow ourselves
to be deflected by the feminists who are anxious to force us to regard the two
sexes as completely equal in position and worth." --Sigmund Freud
I remember the day
I was sitting at the dinner table with my brother and two sisters and I blurted
out, “I hate men.” I recall that I was at least 12, had a bad day, was washing
down the bad day with something I didn’t like to eat and had no idea
what it meant to hate men. Okay, so the boy I had a crush on who sat next to me
in school was being a jerk and my dad and
my brother did something that pissed me off that day. I cannot remember what they
did, but whatever it was culminated into the illogical decision that I, indeed,
hated men.
In
the years that followed, I have learned that I do not hate men. I never have
hated men. In fact I like them a
lot. Sure, they annoy me, but lots of people annoy me, regardless of their
assigned (or identified) genders. I like men and I am pretty positive about sex,
which is what I believe provoked my feminism; I don’t believe that I should have
to dislike men to be pro-woman, and I don’t think that liking sex with men or
at least being positive about it should hinder my loyalty to my gender, either.
Isn’t that kind of counter productive to humanity, anyway?
It took me a while
to actually like men, though. At my university, the first two years, at least,
I maintained the illusion that men were annoying all the time. I also thought
that feminists were weird. I thought I couldn’t identify with them, though
unbeknownst to me I was doing that really weird feminist shit anyways. I went
through the No Shaving My Armpits phase because I thought it was unfair that men
get to not do it. I went through my No Panty Phase and No Bra Phase, but
swiftly realized the importance of both to a body type like mine. I never burned bras, though; anyone who
does that is crazy, bras are ridiculously expensive now. I took a Women’s
Theatre class for the hell of it and studied women’s roles in theatre and film.
In my third year
at the university, I was going on my second year as a resident advisor, which
basically meant I babysat for about 35 girls in my all-female dormitory. I made
fast friends with an activist vegetarian who, clearly looking for a cause,
started a feminist group on campus and forced me to join. She somehow talked me
into becoming the organization’s co-president. I can’t even remember how that
actually went down. Like, who asks their awkward new friend who was just
learning about the history of feminism to become their organization’s
co-president? I didn’t know jack shit. I think she wanted me to do it because I am
black, I have a big afro and I look like I could possibly be a militant
feminist who burns bras. And other black people might listen to me. I probably said yes after a few Boone’s
Farm wine coolers.
Despite my
appearance, and the wine coolers, I was a failure at being a co-president of a
feminist organization. I never had anything to talk about, and in 2004, we were all worried about the presidential election anyways. We met in
the university’s community center, typically with a few starry eyed girls with
about as much knowledge on feminism as I had. This was the only feminist group on my backwoods campus, so everyone assumed we
were parading lesbians scurrying about, having girl only witchcraft
extravaganzas. (Double, double, toil and trouble, y’all). However, we still
gained a few members and I mostly took in the history of feminism and feminist
thought, posted fliers and watched “Iron Jawed Angels” more than I’d like to
admit. We also got some positive energy out there and registered many women and
men to vote for the 2004 presidential elections, something that I saw as a
major accomplishment.
Over
the years, though, beyond the university and my backwoods girl-power days, I
feel like I developed my own understanding of feminism, which I always
encourage others to do. I think that society has bastardized feminism, anyways,
especially after the seventies. There are a few terms that kind of
get my goat when I think of modern feminism: Post Feminists (a term comparable
to “post rock” a genre that seems silly because rock music is clearly not
over), Enlightened Sexism (comparable to hipster racism) and Anti-Feminists
(just wrong). The chapter called “I Am a Feminist” from Caitlin Moran’s
hilarious book, “How to Be a Woman,” best describes what is going on in my own
brain when it comes to feminism:
“We need the word
‘feminism’ back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29 percent
of American women would describe themselves as feminist-and only 42 percent of
British women-I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part
of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not
to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? ‘Vogue’ by
Madonna? Jeans? Did all of that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just
DRUNK AT THE TIME OF SURVEY?” (Moran 75)
People have long
associated feminist thought with man hating and being anti-family because we
all supposedly want to kill babies and castrate men’s roles in our societies
and cultures. After laughing out loud at Caitlin Moran’s humorous approach to
the infuriating reality that Anti-Feminist women exist, I started thinking
about politics; dangerous, I know. In fact, recently, strange things have been
happening in the minds of male conservative politicians. Things like making outrageous claims that women’s bodies can stop a rape pregnancy, (Rep. Todd
Akin, US representative of Missouri’s 2nd congressional district)
and if it doesn’t then, surprise! If a woman’s body fails to stop a pregnancy
due to a rape, then the woman was not legitimately raped. She should rejoice in
the news that she is now a legitimate baby machine! Or how about Rep. Steve
King, US representative of Iowa’s silly remark concerning child rape and incest
that results in pregnancy: “Well I just haven’t heard of that being a
circumstance that’s been brought to me in any personal way.” As if to say
because these things never happened to him immediately, it is okay to imply
that they never happened in the first place.
These conservative
individuals (sincerely?) believe that being pro-feminist and pro-female means
anti-family. In my mind, being a feminist is pro-family. I believe that women
and men (or women and women or men and men) should work together as parents to
raise their children properly because there are too many idiots in America who have only become that way because they were not raised
in an intelligent fashion with care, with others’ ideals in mind aside from
their own. Therefore, they have this misguided vision that they were God’s gift
to society, one which they should haphazardly run with their own personal
agendas in mind; agendas that do not include people who are not like them, i.e.
women, minorities, the poor, etc.
That said, I did
become highly alarmed a when a friend of mine, recently married, dropped a big
‘ol bomb on me: my beautiful, smart and educated friend announced to me that
she was an Anti-Feminist. I imagine the
word “Anti-Feminist” being said like one would say “Gingivitis” on a Listerine
commercial.
I
know what you are thinking: WHAT THE FUCK?!
In
the world we are living in right now, being a woman (and black…and Muslim…all three that my friend
identifies with) is like standing on thin ice in the middle of Lake Michigan in
March. This was an idea that I had to explore. She is not the only person who
has said this to me in a confident manner that implied progressive thought. A few years ago, a college undergrad I
am acquainted with said the something quite similar, and also added that women
belong in the home, barefoot, pregnant raising babies and cooking for their men.
This is an actual statement. When
I asked why she was in college if she felt this way, she alluded to the fact
that she should be educated to catch a man.
I believe this
train of thought is a by-product of a bigger, more dangerous idea: that
feminism, if it is not dead, should be dead because we have already made it as
free women. And because we are free women, it is fine to slink back into the
mindset that it is acceptable to just let men “take the reins.” You know, like
they are supposed to do anyways. This idea implies that we need to stop making
men feel bad about not being as successful as we can be if we apply ourselves
and we must start thinking about the fact that we are the lesser sex who need to
and enjoy being taken care of. Decision making? Who needs that? We can get
pregnant and be pretty and cook and clean and sink back into our roles as
women! What a relief, ladies, the work is done, game over.
No.
I think I’ll say that again: No. That
shit is lazy.
The
redeeming factor is that upon further discussion, it seems that my friend and I
have very similar views and that she was responding to militant feminist
thought. We are both practical individuals. The differences in opinion are that
I don’t believe in structured gender roles, and she does, which is fine. One
can be structured and still believe in the interests of women. However, the
discussion sparked the need to explore this topic.
I recently read an
older article by Susan J. Douglas, (a professor of communications at the
University of Michigan and a columnist for the website In These Times) called “Girls Gone Anti-Feminist: Is 70s Feminisman Impediment to Female Happiness and Fulfillment?” (2010). It discusses the
idea that many people, especially those who consider themselves progressive,
believe that feminism, as a movement, is now only history. First of all, it is
a very seductive idea for many that an activist movement is done and over and
life can pick up where it left off (but better!), much like people reacted to
when President Barack Obama was elected in 2008 and they thought racism was finally over (sigh of relief, right guys?). The media seduced
us into the idea that every person in America believed in equality in race, you
know, except for maybe a few ignorant people. The idea that those people, those anti-liberals…well.
They aren’t like the rest of us. These blanket assumptions are what allow the
perfect environment for an idea like Enlightened Sexism to breed. Enlightened Sexism is, according to
Douglas in a Time Magazine
interview, “A new, subtle form of
sexism. It insists that full equality for women has been achieved, and
therefore, we don’t need feminism anymore. So it’s O.K. to resurrect
retrograde, sexist images of women in the media, all with a wink and a laugh.
A lot of women who
buy into Enlightened Sexism really seem to have Ms. Douglass’ definition in
mind. They consider us done with this “old school” feminism in which we
challenge patriarchal hierarchies. To many, getting passed traditional feminist
ideas is actually feminist. If you
ask me, these are a misogynist’s ideas in sheep’s clothing. Women cannot think
that they can do and say what they want until they are competing with male
interests, then back down into the sink to wash their dirty dishes with their
tails between their legs. Douglas asked the question, “What is the matter with
fantasies of female power?”
“Enlightened
sexism is a response, deliberate or not, to the perceived threat of a new
gender regime. It insists that women have made plenty of progress because of
feminism–indeed, full equality, has allegedly been achieved. So now it’s okay,
even amusing, to resurrect sexist stereotypes of girls and women. Enlightened
sexism sells the line that it is precisely through women’s calculated
deployment of their faces, bodies, attire, and sexuality that they gain and
enjoy true power– power that is fun, that men will not resent, and indeed will
embrace.”
I
don’t get it. How did we get to a space where people think that feminism has
reached the end, women are satiated and now negative gender politics are okay? I blame a lot of things, but I think the
media is a major player. As someone who has opted out of entertainment media
and much of popular culture (for the sake of my sanity, not out of some snobby,
hipster mindset), I am surprised every time I witness the effects of the media
on female image. We are presented with the absurd idea that we must compete
against other women. This theory is pimped on reality television, the news, in music,
on the radio and more that we as women must make public fools of ourselves and
be hyper feminine to be hot and empowered (I’m looking at you Nicki Minaj…although this article may make you think otherwise). I become extremely annoyed because, really, where do we fit personal
responsibility in all this nonsense? The goal of the woman is not to be a
pretty (but foolish) fixture on her knees to the world. Our influence on just
about everything and everybody is dangerous if the influence is not positive.
Know
what I do need, though? I need the good, positive men to step up. I am not
implying that I need the men only to step up and save the world, but what I do
need are the strong, good male allies that are out there to back me up. And I
know you all exist, I see you every day. I am not offended to be defended. I am
offended when I have to be reminded that I am part of the Oppressed Club:
black, female and by no means rich, which makes a lot of things difficult. This
is not a one sided battle where it is men against women. It is actually simply
men and women against Bat Shit Crazy Womb Imperialists. I am not asking for you
to be pro-life or pro-choice. I am asking you to be pro-woman. A good man
wouldn’t be scared of that and a real feminist would batten down the hatches
and charge forward in this sea storm.
